I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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