She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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