well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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