Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
