Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
