Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
