Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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