i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
