bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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