Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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