I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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