o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
