He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
