You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
