I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
