ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
