my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
