Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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