I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
