I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
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