if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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