Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
