Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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