I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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