why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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