I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He better not be in your backpack
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
