Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
