you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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