On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
