When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
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