So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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