talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
