Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
