How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
