Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
