she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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