My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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