My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
