Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
