if you like me you must not know who I am
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We have started to decorate penises.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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