sarcasm needs its own font
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
So apparently I’m into choking now
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
