Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
