I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I checked into jail on foursquare
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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