It's a beautiful day for a hangover
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Bring me that man meat
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