Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Couch. On fire.
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