There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
