My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
