i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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