I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
