I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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